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Life in Poetry: Deep Shit

Got so many things going on with my life right now. I don’t really know what to do or what I need to do or what I need to do next. All I know is that I am in deep shit now, and this is how it goes…

Deep Shit

by: Noel Yulo

I try to be calm as I go on with my life

Even if I’m breaking down and losing my might

And as much as I want to be happy and okay

Right now everything is all work, and definitely no play

You think that I am strong and always on the go

But truth is I just want my life to be slow

Money and career has been eating me up

Despite the times I think  that I absolutely suck

I always believe that I will be great one day

“But you haven’t done any shit”, in my mind I would say

Sometimes I don’t know what to do anymore

I wan to get out but I can’t open the door

I need to face the light but its burning my eyes

Somebody save me before it’s too late and I die

However, I wish I was already dead

Wearing a suit lying peacefully on my bed

Maybe its better if Noel Yulo disappears

Aside from my parents, no one will really shed their tears

No one will feel sad if they knew I was gone

It’s not like I was known as the prodigal son

I knew I made a difference to the friends that I have

But now there all gone which makes me abandoned and really sad

It’s not like I’m asking them to pay me for what I have done

I just wish they’ll have the initiative to help me get out of this hump

I’m just in real sorrow now as I’m writing this poem

The pen and paper are non-living things so that leaves me alone

If you can feel my flow then you can feel my pain

I’m just looking for a leverage before I go insane

With the way I’m writing this it’s almost a rap song

But I don’t have a beat so keep on reading along

Poor families out there are hungry and homeless

So I shouldn’t be complaining because I”m actually blessed

But it’s just an excuse and I have heard that before

Just forget about me and go save that kid on the floor

That child might be the next great president in the future

While most probably I’m just going to transform into a dark living creature

What am I saying, I am going dark now

I don’t know what to do next so I need a time-out

I know there is hope so I need to stay calm

Maybe take the bible out and start reading the Psalms

With what I’m going through, my life IS a bitch

I’m still looking for something that would flip the switch

I’m taking out my problems but in the garbage can they don’t fit

I need to find a way quick before I’m buried alive in this deep shit

The pressure is on you, Mr. James

Lebron James

No. 23 6

The Chosen One

King James

It’s time.

As the final buzzer sound, the entire Chi-Town came down with their heads down, souls humbled and hands shaking. The best team in the East have floundered down, blowing out a 12-point lead. The Chicago Bulls of Derrick Rose have failed to bring back the once proud team back to the NBA Finals.  Too young, lacking experience, the MVP couldn’t keep up with the villainous “Big 3”. The Miami Heat has struck with fierce and strong determination and have finally found themselves back to the NBA Finals. But this is not the Shaq-Wade team back in ’06, this is a Miami Heat that still has Wade, but with two superstars on tow, Chris Bosh and the ever great Lebron James. From “The Decision” down to the Eastern Finals, the “Heatles” have faced scrutiny and criticism. But through thick and thin, they have faced adversity, proven doubters wrong and showed the world that they are the uprising of a new generation of champions. On the other side of the coin is the Dallas Mavericks, who, like the Heat, have dispatched a young team out of the Playoffs. It is a match that could only be written well like a true Hollywood movie, a rematch of the ’06 Finals. Miami Heat vs Dallas Mavericks, no more Lakers, no more Boston, it is Round 2 of the awaited rematch. For the Mavs, it is a long-time coming, 5 years they have waited for this opportunity again, and here they are, Dirk, Terry, Kidd, Marion, all hungry for a championship. And for Wade, Bosh and James, who will have to win the big one to cement their legacy as one of the best in the history of basketball. You can put the pressure on the “old” Mavericks team, for having veteran players who haven’t gotten a ring yet, or to the star-studded Heat who were dubbed champions before there very first game. No matter how much you flip the coin, neither teams hold no pressure, all pressure goes to Lebron.

Who could ever forget that young kid from Ohio who was drafted No. 1 pick by the Cleveland Cavaliers way back in 2003. He was young, athletic, he had the makings of a legend. He captivated the world with his skills that is one in a million and showed the world that even just fresh from high school that he could dance with the big boys. Once he stepped foot in a NBA arena, “The Chosen One” captivated millions. Everyone hyped up the coming of the new No. 23, he delivered and never disappointed anyone. He had a bright future and everyone around him was counting the championships that he may win, the legacy he will make, and the birthright of even becoming bigger than the original No. 23. But through it all, for all the hype he was given, the Nike endorsements, the Sports Illustrated covers, the Zoom Lebrons, Lebron James hasn’t won “the big one” yet. Seven years in Cleveland, he brought the house down, but he never even once was able to bring the trophy home. For someone who was expected to win, for all the talents that he possessed, he failed to deliver. He was able to bring a mediocre Cavs to the Finals in 2007, but that was the farthest he could go. He didn’t have the support to win it all, and the myth of the Chosen One deteriorated after 7 years in Cleveland. With a destiny that is slowly fading away, he made a decision, a decision that would change the landscape of NBA basketball forever. He decided to bring his talents down to South Beach. Lebron James. Dwayne Wade. Chris Bosh. On one team, the NBA was heading to a scary direction. The Heat have faced a lot of backlash and they had their lows during the season, but once they put the gear to a full throttle, the Heat express train can’t be stopped. Even with the star power, Heat can only go to how far Lebron can take them. Clearly the talented of the 3, Lebron finally has the chance to live up to what he was destined to be, the ultimate baller, the best of the best, a living legend. With him isn’t a mediocre team, no more excuses, no more choking, none. He got his two buddies playing with him now. It’s time to put up or shut up.

Wade doesn’t need the distinction of carrying the pressure of winning one, he already has. He was even Finals MVP. Chris Bosh, as a talented player that he is, fits well as a 3rd fiddle of this Miami squad and doesn’t really carry that much pressure. But for the man who was dubbed as The Chosen One, everything he was hyped up to be, is now in the palm of his hands. He was here before, and he couldn’t climb the mountain, got swept and was buried down. It’s his time to redeem himself, prove doubters wrong and show the world that The King can indeed win a ring. The pressure in on Lebron now. He maybe young, but he wasn’t destined to win on his later years, he was destined to win now. All that stand out in his way, is not the Dallas Mavericks, but himself. If he can go over the hill, get over this diversity, then, all the hype will become fruitful. All his past accomplishments will be dignified. Lebron only needs 4 wins. He only needs to play the 16 most important quarters of his life. He only needs to bring this Miami Heat to the top of the mountain and his legendary status begins. All eyes will be on the Heat, no one looks to James as an individual anymore. But deep inside, he knows what he needs to do. He knows what should be done. He knows that everything start and ends with him. A new era is about to unfold, and Lebron and Co. is leading the pack. The Dallas Mavericks can hold their ground pretty well, and the Miami Heat can find ways to struck impact when it is needed the most. It is a making of a great Finals match-up. But at the end of this Finals, everyone will find out, everyone will see, everyone will know, what  Lebron James is really made off. Either he wins or shames a destiny he was never really meant to have.

Keeping the faith strong for the Holy Week

      I woke up today with a slight numb in my head. As my mother was shooing me to wake-up, I quickly realize that it must be Sunday already, Easter Sunday to be exact. Today marks the celebration for the resurrection our Lord Jesus Christ. Now, one might ask what difference does this Sunday make from all previous Easter Sundays? Well, none to be exact. To be much more clear and honest, I had better Easter Sundays before and I could already tell despite it was still 3:30AM. And while I find myself taking a very warm shower, I was thinking about how the Holy Week has passed by for me this year. For the first time in my life, I didn’t spend the Holy Week at home. Technically speaking, I still went home. I’m at home during the day, but at night I had to go to work so meaning, I wasn’t really being holy or reflective for this year’s blessed week. It was a bit different but nevertheless, I was still able to keep some old practice from my previous holy weeks, not do any sin. As a person that changes everyday, I’m not much of a sin-doer as I was before, but I admit that I still commit a few. Of course, avoiding sins in the Lenten season is much more of practice at times. Everyone tries to be good for this blessed week, but then when the week is off, everyone seems to be back from their old habits. We can always turn on or turn off are morals as a good or bad person depending on the situation. But when it comes to the point where how we have to live our lives despite whatever might happen, we cling on what we simply call as “faith”.

I have to be honest, my faith in God has decreased for the past few months. Just when you think you have a God that will help you all the time and will just give you out trials to test you, He suddenly rips you down and drops you strong. I do not question God’s existence, but I question God simply to ask him why? Why must I have to go through all of this? Why can’t I not get a break to all of his trials? Have I not proven myself time in time again? If I look at it this way, God wants me to be stronger, he cannot allow to slow my growth and thus I have experienced great trials in the past few months. That being said, my only reason why my faith in God has decreased is due to my human shortcomings. I do feel like God has not blessed me enough to see the light of the day. While I see others live life with no hardship at all, all I live for is hardship and no glory at all. When will it end? I do not know. When will God be pleased? I can’t really tell. But truth be told, my faith in God has greatly been affected. I may have spoken already numerous times how much “God’s will” is nothing more but a simple reply to the “Why?”, but it doesn’t really elaborate the reason. You can come up with so many definitions but it will still all end a confusion on which is which did God based the trials he has set-up for me.

But through it all, I still love God. I still believe in God. The faith may not be strong, but even at times where I seem to forget I have a God, deep inside my heart I know I believe in God and most especially, I trust Papa Jesus. In the midst of the Holy Week, we are reminded that Jesus sacrificed himself for our sins. That his death was an act of saying that we are saved. That I may not live a life of grandeur, I for one know that my soul has been saved by Jesus. And through every bit of hardship that I have, the act of Jesus to save our sins is enough to hold a common ground to keep the faith strong. I may not look up to God for any resolution for all my problems that much anymore, but all I know is, everything will be fine, that Jesus, at the end of the day, will still save me. Maybe a part of me has died due to the unfortunate events that occurred in my life, but if there is one thing that the Holy Week taught me and has always shown me in the past, God gave up his only son for our sins, that Jesus rose from the dead to proclaim that are souls are forever saved. I don’t really need to walk the way of the cross every year to know that fact. Looking at Jesus crucified in a cross is enough to remind me to always keep my faith strong. It doesn’t really symbolize hope, but it symbolizes that God will never forsaken us, and that we are forever blessed, if we keep the faith within us.

As I watched the little kids dressed as angels sang the return of Jesus, I gave a little smile for purposes that I cannot understand. The past few days I have been an ignorant child of God who has long forgotten to pray, or to even talk with Hi,. There are a lot of things to be said about the Roman Catholic’s religion. I will never be able to ponder the entirety of Christianity. But the practices that the Christian people do is outstanding. It shapes us to keep our faith and make it strong. That even through my ups and downs in life, my frustrations and short-comings, I have come to the grips that it doesn’t really matter anymore what I want God to give me. Throughout my life, I’ve always prayed to God for the things that I want, for the life I want to live. All people do. But I guess with my downfall, I am humbled by God. I am humbled to at least say, whatever God has planned for me or whatever I want for God to do doesn’t matter. I just want to keep the faith strong that even to whatever road he wants me to partake, I pray that he will guide me and blessed me always. I sometimes think that I know how God works, but yet, I still have a lot to see for me to fully know everything. ‘Till the day I will see the light of the day, it may not be as strong as it was before, but I will always keep my faith strong so that I’ll be able to see that day come.

Why did I work in a call center? (An Initial Outlook of a Nursing Graduate)

Its one of those scenarios where I needed to make a decision in my life. Not because it was the right or  a wrong thing to do, but because I need to do it. It was a time where I took the responsibility to be a man for myself, and not a son to my parents. I couldn’t say that I betrayed the profession that I took pride so dearly and yet here I am trading a stethoscope for a headphone. I did what others won’t do but some already did. As a nursing graduate, I end up working in a call center.

Whenever you associate a nurse to a call center, you cannot help but get ridiculed to the fact that you spent 4 years of studying different diseases and nursing procedures just to talk to a foreigner to a phone. Those 4 years were never easy to accomplish, along with the fact that nursing isn’t one of the cheapest courses around. How can someone like me, who graduated nursing, found myself working in an environment I have no business being in. I am a nurse. I am expected to work in a hospital or any medical area, facility or clinic. And yet here I am doing a job that I didn’t trained for, doing a job in which I couldn’t apply anything I’ve learned for the past 4 years. In truth, it hurts to do this, deep inside it does. But I have too, in a way, I got to.

God knows that I wanted to be a nurse more than the majority of those who passed the recent 2010 Nursing Board Exam. God knows that I deserved the license more than majority of those who passed. God knows that I worked harder, 10x harder than majority of those who passed. But I failed. I didn’t achieve what majority did. Maybe because I depended too much in God and I didn’t study that hard anymore. Maybe because I depended to the fact that I passed the pre-board exam and I had nothing to worry about. Maybe because I wasn’t afraid to fail and I had all the confidence to make it. But all of this maybes couldn’t really give me the exact reason why I failed. Reality is, some people will fail, and reality is, reality dictated already, for me to fail.

It would have been an easy pain if they are a lot like me. In case, there are a lot like me. But in a very twisted way, I had a lot of friends and classmates that made it. A lot of people in my school and other schools here and around the city of Davao made it. A lot of nurses around me made it. And as much at it was painful, I just couldn’t condemned myself. I did my best, but it wasn’t good enough. The time wasn’t for me to uphold yet, or maybe never. All I know is, what’s done is done, the hand of God has written my faith for taking the NLE Board Exam and rightfully so, maybe in all sense, I deserved it.

God has a reason Noel“, all my friends say. But what reason. Do I need to ask the maybes again? It is quite nothing more than an easy “comfort”, but in a reality, its not. Don’t tell me the reason, tell me why. But no one could ever do such a thing. Not you, not my mother, not even me could ever clarify that question. But in a sense, I found myself thankful for those who even care to say such thing. At times like this  a man has got to do what a man has got to do. A man must forge his own legacy no matter what the outcome is. It is not only for the friends that supported you, not only for the family that stood behind you, but for yourself, to do what needs to be done. A the end of the day, its all about living. Day in and day out, we need to survive a day by pushing through. Whether you’re as poor as a rat or you’re as rich as a man that is filled with gold that shines like the sun, everyday is a challenge you need to survive. It starts when you wake up and ends when you sleep.  This is where man forges his destiny to live, by in any means on how he will survive.

During my review days, I already thought about a lot of things in my future. Being a nurse was something I wanted to be. But of course, I wasn’t gullible. I knew that nursing in the Philippines isn’t at its best form. And even lets say success stories can be told by thousands of nurses, they were able to tell it because by in any pure luck, they were blessed to have it. For me to write a success story as a nurse, I far knew wouldn’t be an easy task. I understood that I need to be 21 years of age to practice nursing, and by the time the results will come out, I am still almost a year away to practice my profession. To waste another year without being productive was something I couldn’t live by. I need to earn, I need money to thrive, and then I came up with a plan. A plan that will push through no matter what the outcome is. For me to do it will be cunning, but by any means I know I will need to accomplish it.

The plans goes simple as by the start of January of 2011, I must already find a job. Just a part-time job where-in I could earn money for the meantime I’m waiting for the result and where i could get out any time. Looking for part-time jobs isn’t that easy, knowing the fact that available part-time jobs were way off my jurisdiction. It was with writing for a company where-in I got my 1st shot. But it didn’t satisfy both parties, so I went on to another path. That path was working in a call center. Working in a call center would mean a big trap for me. They can’t afford to cater to nurses who would just leave when they’re spare time is up. They offered good money, but they want applicants to keep true to their word of staying. I for one had a hard time saying yes to that commitment. My plan was just to work part-time, I couldn’t afford to be stuck for a long time. But then it hit me. I still won’t be able to practice for a year, so, might as well take advantage of this for the mean time and try to earn money. The journey of becoming a call center employee was a long story.  But having a detour to the plan was clear as crystal.

I failed the board exam. It was something I was prepared to experience but not quite expectant for it to happen. When I formulated the plan, it was compose of two ways:

  • Plan A: After passing the board exam, finishing the entire training and work as long as i can until I am eligible to work as a nurse, or partly get a gig or training as a nurse.
  • Plan B: After failing the board exam, continue with the training and work there to earn money. Retake the exam again while reviewing at home.

Sadly, Plan B pushed through. It is, up to this day, just a simple plan, but a real pain in the ass to go through. Its hard to focus on your goal when you have a detour to mind with. But in many ways, I couldn’t complain, I am already earning money. Money. Money. Money…

If there is one main reason why I am working in a call center, that would be money. Let’s be honest, you won’t get to earn money as a nurse until you’ve landed to another foreign country. You won’t earn money as a nurse unless you get to be regularized or absorbed in a hospital or a medical area. And with the thousands of nurses around that you have to compete with, only the lucky and blessed ones will ever get to fulfill what their profession is all about. I couldn’t afford to go back home and ask money for my parents to help me go in a review center again. I couldn’t afford to waste how many months to try to pass the board. I need to be productive for my family, for my loved ones, and for myself. Simply put, I was forging a way for me to survive life.

Working in a call center means a stab to the profession you took. Being in a call center is open for anyone, it doesn’t require a course. That is why working their would mean turning your back to the profession that you took. But for me, it’s not. Working in a call center, is a day-job. You earn and you get payed good money, of course if you are working in a very huge BPO. Working there takes a lot of thinking, but at the end of the day, as long as you can do the job and the pay satisfies you, I don’t see a reason why it is such a big deal. You took the course to learn how to use it as a profession, as a career. But it never dictates for someone to have it as a way of living. Truth be told I still want to be a nurse, but I do not close myself to the idea that being a nurse is the only way of being successful in life. There are plenty of success stories around the world that didn’t involved the word nursing. If I’m bound to be a nurse, so be it, but if not, than I’ll find ways to be successful in life. I do not plan to answer calls for the rest of my life. But if for the mean time this is opportunity to earn money, then so be it.

This is why I work in a call center. It’s all about me surviving life. Surviving means being able to cope up with everyday life. And to cope up with everyday life, you need resources. And for you to have resources, you need money. Graduating as a nurse only limited me to the world of nursing. But there are jobs out there that a nurse like me could do, and one of them is being a call center agent. I’d be lying to you if its okay for me to have career outside nursing, because in truth, I want to have it as my career, whether for 10, 5 or maybe just for a year, I want to live a span of my time in my life as a professional nurse. But if God forbid, so be it. We have to make a lot of decisions in life that sometimes, as much as it pains you, you need to do it because it is right. Like I said earlier, a man has got to do what a man has got to do. With all the different walks in life that we had, sometimes what is wrong for some is right for others.

I don’t know what the future holds me. Will I have a career as a nurse, or in the BPO industry, or maybe somewhere else. Only God knows, only in God’s plan or God’s time. Isn’t it the right thing to say? But all in all, with all the factors that surfaces in our everyday life, sometimes you are just left to the fact that some paths were never meant to be taken and some paths, whether you’ll like it or not, must be taken. I will forever be a nurse at heart. I took my profession much more seriously than any of the new RNs today. But I do not mean to take anything from them. That is the path that God decide for them, so be it. They worked for it, they deserved it. But this is mine. Working in a call center, is a starting point of my path. It is my stepping stone to whatever success I will guarantee to draw in the near future. This is not stabbing my profession,  this is me taking an opportunity for a better life, whether through nursing or not, whether in being a nurse, or not.

Life in Poetry: A Rainy Afternoon

It’s a cold Sunday evening here. It’s been cloudy the entire day. But who doesn’t really like this type of  weather? It’s cold, comforting, relaxing, makes you want to just stay on your bed. Despite the case, the cold weather can sometimes give you that feeling where you simply just feel down. You feel sad, you think of all those sad memories that you have. For short, as much as a cold weather could make you relax, it could also downright make you feel…well, sad.  Earlier this afternoon, there was a power outage for about two hours. I went out to get some cold air, sat on our terrace and I couldn’t help but feel sad, alone and down. And as I watched the rain, I was just in a vegetative state. I just sat on the chair, thinking of how sad my life was, in a cold rainy afternoon….

A Rainy Afternoon

by: Noel Yulo

As I sat on a chair with a cold shiver

The cold air that surrounds me I try to savor

Yet as I hear the sound of dripping rain

I found myself in a very unusual pain

It was a pain that I couldn’t feel emotionally

Just a simple pain of my heart being empty

The dark grey skies were just like my soul

It was just plain gloom, no fight to uphold

A sad face was already in front of my head

It was a sight of a man who can be considered dead

I just couldn’t fight off these sad emotions

Sucking the life and turning me a site of decomposition

And as much as I avoid to be in this state

The happiness that I lost was something I couldn’t recreate

I finally gave myself one last sigh and then stood-up

Shaking up whatever sadness for the moment I got

Some people may find this weather to be relaxing

But the sadness it would give the human soul is never surprising

It just one of those days you cannot help but get swoon

By a sad aura you will get, from a rainy afternoon

An old dog visiting his old schoolyard

Earlier this afternoon, after spending a lot of time surfing the net, I really got bored pretty fast. I decided to hop on my bike and just roam around wherever my wheels take me. I’ve spent three hours already just roaming around when a sudden thought came up to me. It’s been three or four years since I’ve passed by my old elementary school. Seven years since I’ve last been inside there. Since my last route would draw me near the old schoolyard, I decided to pass by there before heading home.

On my way there, I quickly noticed that the old muddy roads were now cemented. There were new houses built around the area. I got so unfamiliar with the place, I didn’t notice that I was already passing by the old school again. Ah, Davao City Integrated Special School. The school where I started. The school where I trained in my earlier days. The place that started to mold some of my talents, skills and personalities. The place that I always thought I will stay until I graduate high school. So many fond memories of that school, both sweet and bitter.

I could still remember when it was still named Davao City Special School. I started there at kindergarten as a small chubby boy then who would cry when my mother would left me inside the classroom. I would eventually learn to be a hyperactive kid, someone who plays a lot but at the same time, excels well in class. As every school year passed and as I grew, that school became a huge part of me. It gave me an identity, as a “Speder”. All through those years I have achieved and experienced so many things. It already came to a point that I just wished to stay there forever. Not thinking of an idea of ever leaving that place.

As I was checking the old school, I notice that there was already a covered court inside. Some high school kids were playing basketball. It made me jealous and wished that it was built when I was still there. It would have been a much more great childhood for me. Nevertheless, the area where the court was built still gave me a lot of childhood memories. It was still a huge grassy area of land back then. Everyone would be running around, playing a lot of games. I could still remember playing “Taga-anay” (Tag), “Tagu-anay” (Hide and Seek), “Labo-labo” (Ball Throwing), the very popular “Tigso” (Base Defense) and so many other traditional games. Despite being fat, I was already athletic then to play all those games. I could probably say I’m  a “varsity” at those games. That huge land of area may not have a basketball court, but it still gave me a lot of memories, something no game of basketball could duplicate.

Still strolling along, I came upon a group of students who were laughing out loud. I notice that they had different uniforms,  gray strips and not those old red and white strips students wear in my days. As I went along, I saw students hanging out on stores I’ve never seen before. And I quickly remembered my friends and classmates that I had a great time hanging-out with. There were a lot, but a special group will always be a big part of me, and that’s my ACCE (Accelerated) classmates. I spend two years with those guys so it was with them that I truly have ever lasting memories. From always having to learn fast, practicing for school presentations, the time when everyone called me “Danger” because I get high blood a lot, it was those times that really made me appreciate my time there. And seeing those new generation of Speders, it made me proud that I came there.

There were a lot of students passing by, so I had to go slow. I suddenly came face to face with the old gate. Everything flash back to me, my last few days in that school. It was the end of my 2nd year high school. Due to a sudden change, the program was now zero-base. I had a hard time adjusting, since I wasn’t studying well during my high school days there, it caused me to get low grades. My grades were actually going up at first, but when the change happened, I couldn’t overcome it. Let alone, I was being bullied by my own friends. I couldn’t study well, thus, I failed. I was having my clearance signed. I was saying goodbye to everyone. I remembered that I actually had tears when I was slowly walking away from that school. I was just two years away from getting that huge Loyalty Award Medal. I didn’t want to leave, but I had to. I need to. I walked pass by the grassy field one last time. Stare at the classrooms one last time. I went out on the gate, giving the school one last look, not knowing what the future will hold. Seven years after, I was staring at it again.

I’ve been an Atenean for the last six years. It was the one that molded me to who I am today. It was the one that molded the skills I had and made it more great. Ateneo was the bigger part of who I am. Being an Atenean was now my identity. But it sometimes overshadowed the fact that I was once a “Speder”. A student from a small public school. A kid who went through all those great childhood memories. But I knew that being a Speder was now just something part of my past. It was an identity I used to have. I may have been an Atenean for far too long, but I’ll never gorfet where I started. As I gave the school one last look, I kicked the pedal and went along my way. But passing by that school, I will be forever be proud that I have been there, to be a Speder, to be in Davao City Integrated Special School.

Just got my first “We’re sorry, you’re not right for the job.”

I sit here in my desk still trying to cling on to what just happened. The head writer of a company I applied on talk to me and was open about my work for the past three days. See, I applied as a writer in a SEO company. I’ve always seen myself as a writer and I thought that maybe I could handle the job. I was just looking for a part-time job when I found their job ad on the internet. Since they will accept any graduate from any course, I decided to give it a try.

During the interview, I was able to show that I was fully dedicated in getting the job. Although I end up saying I’ll go full time, nevertheless, I still went on since they took me for a five day training. I found out that it wasn’t really a training but a try-out. The head writer wanted to see how I handle different types of task in terms of writing and at the same time see how I write as a writer. I didn’t knew what to expect, but I went through it anyways.

Since first day, I have thought that maybe this isn’t the right job for me. For starters, the first comment I had was that I was a “juvenile writer”. Being a juvenile delinquent was something I understood, but a “juvenile writer”? The head writer told me that I’m not that mature when it comes to writing  and I tend to joke around in my articles. But having a mature and professional writing is something  that the company is looking for. Anyways, she did told me not to lose hope since it was still my first day.

Second day happened and things still stayed the same. I was still making the “getting there but not quite there yet” articles. I was starting to doubt my abilities as a writer. ..

Am I really a writer?

Am I good in making literary form of writing?

Was everything about me as a writer all a lie?

I already had a hint that she probably won’t recommend me. Worst,  I still have three days left. I felt it will be all useless since they won’t hire me anyways. But Day Three was still to come, at least I had to give it a shot.

Number three is such a powerful number that indicates the end. I guess that day three for me here is actually the end. Just like the first two days, the head writer gave me another assignment. She gave me two topics and I had to make two articles for each. It was hard since I had no idea about the topics. But I always get the job done, so I searched about it and started my articles away. It really didn’t took me long to finish the four, but I seem to have notion that my articles were still….getting there.

After sending my last article to the head writer, we had a little chat on my performance for the past three days. She told me that she thought I was able to live up to my words when I said I could be flexible for the job. That despite my nursing background, I could still write the way she expects me to. She told me that they’re looking for true writers that could really write without having to be supervised. She said I had the potential, but I guess I won’t get it in a short span of time.

It was really a no wonder for me when she told me that instead of having a five days trial, she’ll just cut it off to three since its hassle for me to come back next week. But in truth, I guess it was already hassle for her part to deal with a writer than won’t be able to do the job anyways. I am really disappointed at myself and I wonder why I still bothered to write here if I’m not really a “true writer”. I guess it’s the belief that I know I am still a writer. I know that I can write. However, I am no talented writer that could probably write anything, be flexible in any style or topic. I guess I’m the type of person that writes, just for the sake of expressing something. Maybe I’m just an ordinary blogger, a “juvenile writer” you might say.

I’m still here sitting on my desk, waiting for the shift end. But you know, I am still grateful and thankful for my three days experience here. I really learned a lot. In terms of writing, I really gained a lot of insight. And I was able to learn stuff I never thought I’ll ever encounter or learn. Well, I guess being a writer in a SEO Company isn’t really my thing. Copywriter, content writer, I’m not good at those. I guess I’ll just stick to what I do best, writing whatever I want, whatever way I will write it. Off to the next job…